When I was studying for my Meditation Teaching Certification I came across a wonderful book as part of my studies called Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. If you’re interested in Meditation and Mindfulness and you haven’t read this book yet, I highly recommend it.
One section covered in the book is about the attitudes you should bring to each practice of meditation in order to be successful. But I reckon these are great attitudes to bring to absolutely everything!
I’ve summarised these below, starting with what in my opinion is probably the most important one.
(adapted from Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana)
1. Don’t Expect Anything
When you start out meditating, you will probably have a whole bunch of expectations. Perhaps you’ve heard things from friends or family about their experience, or maybe you’ve read up on the experience of a specific celebrity. Each person’s experience is unique and having an expectation of a certain experience or outcome is going to lead to disappointment and frustration.
Even just expecting the same experience you had the day before is not ideal, as every day can be different.
Rather treat the whole thing as an experiment. Just sit back and see what happens. Be open to whatever arises for you and know that whatever happens is exactly what is supposed to happen for you.
“Let the meditation move along at its own speed and in its own direction. Let the meditation teach you.” (Gunaratana p36)
2. Don’t Strain
Meditation should not be a chore, something on your to-do list, to be ticked off when completed. It cannot and should not be forced, but should be enjoyed.
Don’t approach it with a competitive or aggressive stance, trying to better what you achieved yesterday, or what your friend has managed to achieve.
Just relax and be consistent, using gentle and persistent effort and discipline.
3. Don’t Rush
Be patient with yourself and don’t try and rush anything. There is no hurry, you’re not going anywhere.
Remember, anything worthwhile doing takes time. So sit somewhere comfortable, light a candle or put on some gentle music, and settle yourself in.
4. Don’t Cling To Anything, And Don’t Reject Anything
Let whatever needs to happen happen. If positive mental images or emotions arise, that’s fine. And if negative mental images or emotions arise, that’s fine too.
It is what it is. Be comfortable with whatever happens, observing it mindfully and non-judgementally.
5. Let Go
Let go of needing to do it right.
Let go of needing your experience to be a certain way.
Let go of any expectations.
Loosen up and just flow with whatever you experience.
6. Accept Everything That Arises
Accept any feelings you might have, even if they’re ones you think you shouldn’t.
Accept any experiences you might have, even the ones you don’t like.
Don’t judge yourself for having human flaws and failings.
Just accept everything that arises, regardless of what that might be.
7. Be Gentle With Yourself
Be kind and compassionate to yourself.
Sure you might not be perfect, but it’s not about being perfect. It’s about accepting yourself as you are, as you progress on the journey of becoming who you already are.
8. Investigate Yourself
Try things out for yourself, don’t believe what someone else says just because you consider them a guru.
Meditation is probably one of the most varied areas when it comes to opinions and techniques and just because someone tells you how you should be doing it, or how you should be feeling, doesn’t make it right.
Question everything, bringing your beginners mind, open to seeing, feeling and experiencing for yourself. Become your own guru/yogi. Let the results of your testing be the only guide to your truth.
Be prepared to delve into yourself and ask difficult questions. When someone rubs you the wrong way, or challenges you, look in the mirror and ask yourself “what is it in me that has brought this problem into my life? What do I need to learn from this experience?”
And “what do I need to do to avoid attracting this problem into my life again?”
Accept that you will need different tools for the different stages of your meditation journey.
9. View All Problems As Challenges
Every negative experience is an opportunity to grow, but only if we don’t run away from it, or worse, blame others for the situation we find ourselves in.
Be willing to investigate rather than avoiding, or blaming others.
10. Don’t Ponder
You don’t need to figure out the answer to absolutely everything. Remove yourself from circular and discursive thinking, and immerse yourself in meditation and mindfulness, as that is what will help clear your mind.
Stop thinking, and just be. “Don’t think. See.” (Gunaratana p38)
11. Don’t Dwell Upon Contrasts
Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time and a pointless exercise. Differences do exist between people, and dwelling on these leads to ego-based thinking.
Thoughts of “I can sit much longer in meditation than she can” leads to feelings of pride. Thoughts of “he is able to go so much deeper into meditation than I can” leads to feelings of inadequacy.
This is all unhelpful, but we do it all the time.
Instead of looking for points of difference, try looking for similarities between yourself and others. This will put you into a compassionate heart space and lead you closer to feelings of oneness and connection with all of life.
In Summary
Stop trying to make your meditation practice perfect. There is no perfect. Each session will be what it needs to be.
And even if you don’t put these attitudes to use in your meditation practice, I reckon you could do a lot worse than putting these attitudes into practise in your everyday life.
References:
Gunaratana, B (2017). The Mindfulness in Plain English Collection. Wisdom Publications
