Everyone just wants to be deeply heard.
When you're listening to someone, are you really listening? Or are you thinking about what you're going to say next? Are you waiting for that gap when you can jump in with what you want to say?
When your teenagers act out, is it because they're bad kids? Or is it because they are not being heard? Are they desperately trying to get your attention? Hear them, really hear them. Then perhaps they won't turn to extreme behaviour to be heard. When they speak, stop whatever you are doing, put everything down, turn fully. And listen.
If you have young children, when they speak to you, perhaps go down to their level. Crouch down. Look them in the eye. And listen.
When your nagging old mum with early-onset dementia tells you the same story you've heard a thousand times, do you listen? Or do you nod saying 'yes mum' while carrying on with your chores, worrying how on earth you're going to manage to fit everything into your day? Turn to her. And listen.
Or your partner comes home from a long day at work, and you speak over each other trying to outdo each other with the terrible day you've both had. Try stopping for a moment, and just hearing them. Listen fully, attentively, and who knows, they may do the same for you.
Just listen.
Hear people where they are. Create a space for them to open up. A safe space to be heard. And then listen. Do nothing but listen. Don't think. Don't plan. Don't worry. Don't formulate your next sentence. And most of all, don't judge.
Hold a space where there is no agenda. No expectation.
Just listen. Deeply. Be present. With an open heart.
Allow their thoughts and emotions to arise. And be released.
Listen without feeling the need to respond. And be fully present.
When we hear and understand someone for where they are, right now, we create a healing space. A safe space they can crawl into and cosy up, fluffing up the pillows and settling in. Where they can kick back and just be.
Most people have never had the opportunity to be deeply heard. Without interruption. Without judgement. Without being offered advice. Most people have never had this safe space to open up and be heard.
Maintain your stillness. And listen. Really listen.
Be the one to hear them.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”
“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”
